I am so deeply captured by the "one thousand gifts" book written by Ann Voskamp. I want to know her, feel like I already do! Like she has seen into my soul, knows my thoughts. I want to sit with her, not speaking just knowing that someone else understands this deep longing to live fully. I read and then re-read her lists hear her heart pour out on the page. The thoughts tug at my mind and heart and I grasp the threads and they fly away. I will be re-reading this book as soon as it is finished!
I wonder about God's grace so often, in the last four years losing my mom, my strong broad shouldered Shotsie having open heart surgery nearly gone from us, I hang on to having him in my life everyday. A beautiful older daughter diagnosed with breast cancer, going through 2 years of surgery, chemo and radiation. A beautiful younger daughter diagnosed with MS. Grace; which part is grace? A beautiful daughter in law losing her only brother in a tragic accident. The good the hard. These are the questions in my mind.
This last several years I have lived everyday waiting for the other shoe to drop, to lose someone, something. I have lived so far away from the moment so far away from living fully. I am on a path to find the "right now" to live fully in this moment, to risk loving long and hard for as long as I can, each and every one of those ones who hold my heart.
I want to know and understand Grace, I am sure I do not fully know it yet. I am searching looking into the face of God wanting needing to know, waiting for him to show me clear and true to hear him whisper his words to me.
3. daughters laughing together
4. smelling a warm fuzzy new baby boy
3. sharing my heart with my sister
1 comment:
Mom,
I am so glad that you have taken the risk to love us hard and for as long as you can. I feel your heart, its so tough to risk it all as so many troubles continue to arise. Thank you for taking the Risk and loving us so much and so hard. I hope I can love like you when I am a mother. -Heather
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