Today is a beautiful day full of sun and warmth, not at all an average January day in anyway.
I have been thinking this morning about things I am deeply thankful for "eucharisteo"
As I cleaned my house this morning...
1. for fun, thinking about grand kids going on a snowshoe adventure, 3000 miles away, I can almost hear the laughter:)
2. For fresh love, a bride dressed in white.
3. Sunshine on a winter day.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
My List
I am so deeply captured by the "one thousand gifts" book written by Ann Voskamp. I want to know her, feel like I already do! Like she has seen into my soul, knows my thoughts. I want to sit with her, not speaking just knowing that someone else understands this deep longing to live fully. I read and then re-read her lists hear her heart pour out on the page. The thoughts tug at my mind and heart and I grasp the threads and they fly away. I will be re-reading this book as soon as it is finished!
I wonder about God's grace so often, in the last four years losing my mom, my strong broad shouldered Shotsie having open heart surgery nearly gone from us, I hang on to having him in my life everyday. A beautiful older daughter diagnosed with breast cancer, going through 2 years of surgery, chemo and radiation. A beautiful younger daughter diagnosed with MS. Grace; which part is grace? A beautiful daughter in law losing her only brother in a tragic accident. The good the hard. These are the questions in my mind.
This last several years I have lived everyday waiting for the other shoe to drop, to lose someone, something. I have lived so far away from the moment so far away from living fully. I am on a path to find the "right now" to live fully in this moment, to risk loving long and hard for as long as I can, each and every one of those ones who hold my heart.
I want to know and understand Grace, I am sure I do not fully know it yet. I am searching looking into the face of God wanting needing to know, waiting for him to show me clear and true to hear him whisper his words to me.
3. daughters laughing together
4. smelling a warm fuzzy new baby boy
3. sharing my heart with my sister
I wonder about God's grace so often, in the last four years losing my mom, my strong broad shouldered Shotsie having open heart surgery nearly gone from us, I hang on to having him in my life everyday. A beautiful older daughter diagnosed with breast cancer, going through 2 years of surgery, chemo and radiation. A beautiful younger daughter diagnosed with MS. Grace; which part is grace? A beautiful daughter in law losing her only brother in a tragic accident. The good the hard. These are the questions in my mind.
This last several years I have lived everyday waiting for the other shoe to drop, to lose someone, something. I have lived so far away from the moment so far away from living fully. I am on a path to find the "right now" to live fully in this moment, to risk loving long and hard for as long as I can, each and every one of those ones who hold my heart.
I want to know and understand Grace, I am sure I do not fully know it yet. I am searching looking into the face of God wanting needing to know, waiting for him to show me clear and true to hear him whisper his words to me.
3. daughters laughing together
4. smelling a warm fuzzy new baby boy
3. sharing my heart with my sister
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
My Thank you List
I have been on a quest in the past year to live in the moment. To be present in my life, not worrying about the future or mourning the past.
This Christmas my Shotsie gave me a gift of the book "one thousand gifts" low and behold the author of this book is on a similar journey, she is far ahead of me on the path but I recognized the trail and have put my walking boots on again in search of the elusive, being present and full of life and joy in each moment that God gifts me.
In "one thousand gifts" the author muses about the lack of joy in our lives being linked with an ungrateful heart. That when we give thanks to the Lord in all things we open ourselves to live in the moment and to experience the blessing and joy of the moment.
It grieves me to say that in my soul search I know that I have a very ungrateful heart. Before I say thank you to anything in the moment I have already gone to the future and or to the past and stressed away the gift of the moment. What to do? Turn to God and ask him to forgive, yes...but more than that; practice thankfulness slow down and stay in the moment, turning to God's face each time being aware of his gifts and changing my hearts pattern to one of thank giving; true and genuine thanks giving.
1. for the book "one thousand gifts"
2. for the winter sun shining through blinds warming my afternoon.
This Christmas my Shotsie gave me a gift of the book "one thousand gifts" low and behold the author of this book is on a similar journey, she is far ahead of me on the path but I recognized the trail and have put my walking boots on again in search of the elusive, being present and full of life and joy in each moment that God gifts me.
In "one thousand gifts" the author muses about the lack of joy in our lives being linked with an ungrateful heart. That when we give thanks to the Lord in all things we open ourselves to live in the moment and to experience the blessing and joy of the moment.
It grieves me to say that in my soul search I know that I have a very ungrateful heart. Before I say thank you to anything in the moment I have already gone to the future and or to the past and stressed away the gift of the moment. What to do? Turn to God and ask him to forgive, yes...but more than that; practice thankfulness slow down and stay in the moment, turning to God's face each time being aware of his gifts and changing my hearts pattern to one of thank giving; true and genuine thanks giving.
1. for the book "one thousand gifts"
2. for the winter sun shining through blinds warming my afternoon.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
A new year, and a fresh interest in blogging. Not so much for everyone else to look into my life. Rather a place to capture my thoughts, hopes and dreams.
After spending a few weeks with kids, and grand kids, eating way to much, laughing and playing games the holiday is over, the kids have packed up to fly home and our house is quiet.
Our life expands and contracts with the coming and going of our family. In the expanding time I realize how grateful I am for great kids and spouses and fantastic grand kids. I was blessed to watch our kids parent their children, they are engaged and present in the wet cement of these little lives.
On the contracting side I am drawn again to my own life, my shotsie and our interests. Life is good.
This year I have no resolutions per say, but rather an inventory of my own mind and heart. I realize when listening to myself that I want to change. To be present in my words, to think before I speak and to be kind, and positive. I have asked my shotsie to help me, we have a code word and when I am out of bounds he will just say our private word to help to remind me to think first before I speak.
After spending a few weeks with kids, and grand kids, eating way to much, laughing and playing games the holiday is over, the kids have packed up to fly home and our house is quiet.
Our life expands and contracts with the coming and going of our family. In the expanding time I realize how grateful I am for great kids and spouses and fantastic grand kids. I was blessed to watch our kids parent their children, they are engaged and present in the wet cement of these little lives.
On the contracting side I am drawn again to my own life, my shotsie and our interests. Life is good.
This year I have no resolutions per say, but rather an inventory of my own mind and heart. I realize when listening to myself that I want to change. To be present in my words, to think before I speak and to be kind, and positive. I have asked my shotsie to help me, we have a code word and when I am out of bounds he will just say our private word to help to remind me to think first before I speak.
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